On playing the long game in 2023
ONE MONTH DOWN, ELEVEN TO GO
For most of us, the past few weeks have been a glorious blank slate and a new start.
If—like me—it’s taken you some time to find your feet, here’s how to breeze into February with boatloads of excitement for the rest of the year while protecting your peace.
There’s a reason I’m writing this post at the start of February: because truthfully, there’s only so much toxic “new year” discourse a girl can take. I feel almost allergic to the pressures of January: they have always represented an unattainable and unrealistic standard of life that just doesn’t feel doable after the excitement of a glossy new calendar or blank planner has worn off.
Instead, I’m choosing to focus on continuing to grow the positive habits I sowed the seeds of in 2022. No reinventing the wheel here: just calmly ploughing ahead with what I know works for me, and leaving behind the limiting beliefs and habits that held me back. It really doesn’t have to be more complicated than that.
Below, I’m sharing three things I’m letting go of this year (and hopefully well into the future), and three things I am implementing more rigorously in my life, in case you are in the market for some simple lifestyle and mindset swaps to elevate your 2023.
THINGS I’m LETTING GO OF
People pleasing and overscheduling myself. I’m learning that stretching myself too thin and exhausting myself in the name of cultivating and sustaining friendships is not a feasible long-term approach to managing a social life. Part of this is realizing that I don’t “owe” anyone anything (and therefore can stop feeling indebted to every invitation I receive to hang out with someone), and part of this is having faith in the people I hold closest to me that they will still love me even if we don’t see each other all the time. It’s also helpful to remind myself that I show up best in all facets of my life when I have taken care of myself; it’s hard to show up for someone else when you aren’t showing up for yourself.
Ruminating about the future. I don’t know if it’s a product of getting older, but I’ve found myself increasingly thinking (and worrying) far into the future about everything in life—at the expense of being present in the current moment I am living in. This is especially common when I am alone with my thoughts on a walk without music or podcasts, or idle at home. I am practicing gently guiding myself away from entirely hypothetical future situations and unhelpful thought patterns in order to return to the small joys of the present, and reminding myself that these incessant thoughts aren’t ultimately going to change anything.
The comparison trap. Seriously. The amount of time we have all wasted getting down on ourselves based on something random we’ve seen online, or that classmate from seven years ago posting on LinkedIn, ends now. This is always easier said than done, but when I feel myself creeping into inadequacy about my own life and accomplishments, I remind myself of three things I am good at, three things I like about myself, and all the things that excite me about my own aspirations for the future. This both boosts my self-esteem and reframes the context of my comparison, because it’s rare that we truly desire the objects of our comparison anyway.
THINGS I’M WELCOMING INTO MY LIFE
No-plan weekends (ideally once a month). This is a tricky one for a months-in-advance scheduler and recovering weekend maximalist like myself, but the unparalleled joy of being faced with zero expectations for 48 hours after an intense week of, well, meeting others’ expectations, is utter bliss. No plans doesn’t mean no fun activities: on the contrary, it creates room for spontaneity and being guided by how I feel on a given day. Some of the best times I’ve had in London have started by getting up on a Saturday with no agenda and exploring a new neighbourhood or visiting a new coffee shop, and I never, EVER regret the lack of plans.
More independent learning and development. I’ve felt a strong pull recently to immerse myself back in the world of self-improvement, learn a new skill, invest in improving my abilities and revisit the part of my brain that was constantly absorbing new information at school and college that naturally feels slightly more dormant when working full-time. The happiest people are lifelong students who are always eager to learn, and I hope to embrace this philosophy in my own life with more intention by carving out purposeful time to read, learn, self-study and improve: starting with ballet classes and potentially an online course of some kind!
No phone by my bedside (at least during the week). This is a habit I’ve been really good at sticking to because I’ve immediately noticed its positive effects on my sleep and stress. Working on a different timezone to colleagues in the U.S. means my phone is going off throughout the evening and night, and it’s my job to set a boundary and ensure I get a good night’s rest. I meditate or do breathwork using my beloved Loftie clock in the evening, wake up to a calming gradual alarm, and only reach for my phone when I’m up and outside our room. Game. Changer.
I hope these ideas give you some food for thought as we enter the second (and best… but I’m biased) month of the year. January is just another month, so don’t sweat it if it wasn’t the goal-smashing success you hoped. There’s plenty of time to play the long game and reap the rewards of positive habits over the course of 2023 and beyond.
Xo,
Veena
